To Younger Me From Older Me

I don’t feel like I really got to know many of the people I played with back then.

Dear Younger Me,

I can’t play golf anymore. I tried to swing the club the other day, but my body wouldn’t cooperate. The best I can do now is to sometimes take walks out on the course, but my eyes aren’t as good as they used to be, so I don’t see much. I have a lot of time to sit and think now, and I often think about the game.

Golf was my favorite game. I played it most of my adult life. I played thousands of rounds and spent thousands of hours practicing. As I look back, I guess I had a pretty good time. But now that I can’t do it anymore, I wish I had done things a little differently.

It’s funny, but with all the time I spent playing golf, I never thought that I was a real golfer. I never felt that I was good enough to really belong out there. It doesn’t make much sense since I scored better than average and a lot of people envied my game, but I always felt that if I was just a little better or a little more consistent that I’d really feel good. I’d be satisfied with my game. But I never was. It was always, “One of these days, I’ll get it,” or “One day, I’ll get there.” And now, here I am. I can’t play anymore, and I never got there.

I met a lot of different people out on the course. That was one of the best things about the game. But aside from my regular partners and a few others, I don’t feel like I really got to know many of those people very well. I know they didn’t really get to know me. At times, they probably didn’t want to. I was pretty occupied with my own game most of the time and didn’t have much time for anyone else, especially if I wasn’t playing well.

So why am I writing you this letter anyway? Just to complain? Not really. Like I said, my golfing experience wasn’t that bad. But it could have been so much better, and I see that so clearly now. I want to tell you so you can learn from it. I don’t want you getting to my age and feeling the same regrets I’m feeling now.

Play a game that gives you joy and satisfaction and makes you a better person.

I wish, I wish. Sad words I suppose, but necessary. I wish I could have played the game with more joy, more freedom. I was always so concerned with “doing it right” that I never seemed to be able to just enjoy doing it at all. I was so hard on myself, never satisfied, always expecting more. Who was I trying to please? Certainly not myself, because I never did. If there were people whose opinions were important enough to justify all that self-criticism, I never met them.

I wish I could have been a better playing partner. I wasn’t a bad person to be with really, but I wish I had been friendlier and gotten to know people better. I wish I could have laughed and joked more and given people more encouragement. I probably would have gotten more from them, and I would have loved that. There were a few bad apples over the years, but most of the people I played with were friendly, polite, and sincere. They really just wanted to make friends and have a good time. I wish I could have made more friends and had a better time.

I’m inside a lot now, and I miss the beauty of the outdoors. For years, when I was golfing, I walked through some of the most beautiful places on earth, and yet, I don’t feel as if I really saw them. Beautiful landscapes, trees, flowers, animals, the sky, the ocean. How could I have missed so much? What else was I thinking of that was so important? My grip? My backswing? My stance? Sure, I needed to think about those things sometimes, but so often as to be oblivious to so much beauty? And what about all the green! The wonderful, deep, lush color of green. My eyes are starting to fail me now. I wish I had used them better then so I would have more vivid memories.

So what is it that I’m trying to say? I played the type of game that I thought I should play to please the type of people who I thought I should please. But it didn’t work. My game was mine to play, but I gave it away. It’s a wonderful game. Please don’t lose yours. Play a game that you want to play. Play a game that gives you joy and satisfaction and makes you a better person to your family and friends. Play with enthusiasm. Play with freedom. Appreciate the beauty of nature and the people around you. Realize how lucky you are to be able to do it. All too soon your time will be up, and you won’t be able to play anymore. Play a game that enriches your life.

That’s all I have to say. I don’t really know how this letter will get to you, but I hope that it reaches you in time. Take care.

Older Me

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